mid january...

sometimes i cut myself to see how much it bleeds... its like adrenaline, the pain is such a sudden rush for me...


[slim shady - "stan"]

early january...

okay... so ive been so happy on the first 2 weeks of january. i started my leave and went to baguio before my operation.. and the admition on the hospital. eventhough i just undergone surgery everything's seems so fine... on the hospital, i never imagined, mico ( my bf ) would be my full time companion... it gives me a good vibe and makes the recovery fast... the relatives visited me.. also some office mate and old friends..(thanks to all who didnt forget to remember) after the initial recovery in the hospital.. about 4 days,i spent my 1st week on my mother's place.. of course time flies when you are with your love.. the week end's fast approaching. im gonna spent the next one in Bulacan and mico will be going to his home town in La Union..

I have a fear.. i dont want him to go there.. cuz of his ex.. maybe im paranoid but i feel as if when he go home, he will not be mine anymore... (I'll be waiting in vain AGAIN... i dont want that to happen.) because that girl is the one he thought will be the one he'll be walking with the asle.. and this really scares the hell out of me.. i never told this to him cuz it seems ridiculus.. i gave him some alibi's i dnt know if he get what i meant.. however, i will just hold on his word that he'll comeback for me.. faith..

[faith by definition is fidelity to one's promises and obligations...] dunno why i still put this one here.. grrr!

ok, i have my ex around... so what? weve been separated for roughly 6 months.. and im sure that im over him now... (hi bestfriend!) we have the boundery and i know where to put myself when we are together... defensive? no,,, just explaining.

he is the emotional type of person.. and they just broke up recently.. and never had the formal closure.. so whats for me then? i know that we are "we" but when he see's the girl what would he do? what if she ask for another chance? or cry in front of him? there's so much running through my head... paranoia... but faith.. my friend.. have faith..